Thoughts

I'm sad and angry and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. My actions have caused me to be sad, lonely depressed. I read a friends post on here and I know that her thoughts are her thoughts and she is entitled to them, but I can't help the way that I am feeling right now. I have been feeling so guilt, because I know that I have been using my friend as a crutch and I know that is because for once I've meet someone that totally understands what I'm feeling, my thoughts are her thoughts and I no longer feel alone. But, now I feel more alone than ever. Because I feel that I have exhausted all of my resource with her. I feel that I have lost a friend and I am the one to blame because I used her, instead of going to my own support system. Let's be real I don't have a support system. And once I entered treatment I finally had that. And now I've lost that.

I am stepping away from the pain that I've caused and I'm going to wish her well. Because despite what she believes, she deserves nothing but the best, and I am not that. I will continue to pray for her and wish her well. I have to take a step back to allow her the time to grow and give myself the chance to get better if that is what I want. Right, now I don't know if that is something that I want or deserve.