Weekend Thoughts....

I am sitting her at work with not much to do because the kids are on spring break and I decied to come in to get some work done. Not like that I have much to do, but it helps me to get up and get my day started knowing that I have to be somewhere at a certain time. So, I came in the same time as if the kids were here. There isn't much different, at home it would be quiet and here it's quiet, I am just fully dressed and starting my day at my desk with a book and a diet pepsi. :)

My weekend was pretty good. Saturday I went to Baltimore to the Renfrew Recovery workshop and I have to say that I am very proud of the turn out. The girls from Renfrew-Bethesda, were there in full force. It was great to see and spend time Julianne and Kelly. We had lunch in the inner harbor. That was nice. We went to a sushi bar for lunch and that was very interesting. The witress was really pushy and agressive. She kept bring drinks to the table way before the other drinks were finished. And she even brought me those plastic chop stick holders because she felt that I need help to learn how to hold a chop stick. Please, lady just because I don't hold a chop stick the way that you do, doesn't mean that I am doing something wrong. Just sayin.

I'm getting to the point where I am getting to be fed up with treatment, but I keep trying to remind myself that this is only temporary and if I just do what I need to do, things will be alright. But at times it doesn't seem like that is possible. I get paid on Friday and it seems that, that entire check is already accounted for between rent and treatment and the next 2 weeks are going to be the same way. Sometimes, I wish I could just quiet but I am scared that if I do that then, I know that I will die and I don't want that and for some reason that isn't enough for me to do what I need to do to be healthy.

Treament.....

I'm feeling extremely exhausted. I have been for the last week. I told Colleen about it yesterday. She said that it would make sense. I have been attending therapy 3X a week for the past 2 weeks. She said that sense I am starting to trust my treatment team and being more open and honest, I'm going to be tired. She also said that if I weren't tired after this past weeks she would be concerned.

I thought that at the end of the week, I would be going to a higher level of care. But Colleen feels that because there are so many barriers that I need to work on, she feels that continuing with therapy 3x a week is good. I'm really trying to trust the team and go with their recommendations, but it's so hard.

I calculated the amount of money that I needed to allocate to treatment for the next 2 weeks and it came to 222.00 That is with 6 therapy sessions and 1 nutrition session. Just seeing those numbers make me heart feel as if it is going to job out of my chest. That's 444. Dollars a month and soon, that is going to be more. My isurance company adds 5 dollars more after 30 individual sessions. So, that is going to bring my total to 180 every 2 weeks plus 72 every 2 weeks for nutrition. With a total of 252 that I give renfrew every 2 weeks. This just makes things in possible. Because between rent and renfrew and cell, cable, electricity, I feel that I am never going to get caught up on bills. I know that this feeling is just temporary, but I just don't see a end in sight.