I'm so angry and disappointed in myself. The last few days I have been really engaged in bulimic behaviors. I have been taking diet pills, diuretics and laxatives. I don't feel anything that I am doing is wrong, because I am not purging. I am eating no matter how much it may be, I'm eating. I don't feel safe without them. I was rushed to the ER because of them, but I am still using them and I don't care.  I don't have anyone here that is helping me be accountable, so what's the point in trying to do the right thing. I really don't see what's wrong with using them, I am fine and at this point I will do anything to lose weight, no matter how it may look.

I am really at the point where I do not care at about anything and that is fine with me. I have been using laxatives and diuretics for the past 2 weeks and I am okay with that. I love the feeling of being empty. If I must eat something, I might as well take a laxative behind it, it makes things better. I feel that taking laxatives makes the food issues so much easier. Such is my life and at this point I don't even know what that is anymore. I love feeling of being empty and pure.