Terrified

I'm struggling so much right now...........and it f'ckin sucks. I finally had a productive meeting with C. and she said that she hears me and feels my pain. She finally wants to do another assessment to see if I need a higher level a care. I think I do...but I'm scared....what if I have another school year like last year and I am not able to return to work until Jan. I feel that I'm at a lost of what to do and it scares me. I know the right thing to do is to start a higher level of care and take things the one step and time and stay positive but man I am so scared. C wants me to tell her what level of care I need. I think that I may need day. I'm so scared and I am not sure I know what to do....help

The last few days have been nothing but this big challenge that I am not willing ot fight anymore. I can't take this anymore. My eating disorder voice is screaming at me and I am listening because I feel that my therapist isn't. The only thing that she seems concerned with is my meeting exchanges. That is the one thing that I could care less about right now. I actually want to get a better understanding of why I am doing the things that I am doing and she isn't helping me get there. She is just making me feel so much guilt for not meeting exchanges and that is not helping. I hate this life and I am tried of trying to figure this shit out by myself............