I'm failing apart and no one knows it! I don't know how long I am going to be able to hold on. I feel like I am just merely existing in a world that hates me. Everyone keeps telling me to surround yourself with positive people. I thought I had done that. But I guess I was wrong. Someone sent me a text asking me to come to the wight loss doctor with them this week and I think I am going. I can't take this.  I don't care if it is self destructive or that my ED is going to be happy about it. I can't do this anymore. I want freedom and this is the only way to get it...I tried recovery and that doesn't work, trying something that I know that works.