Sadness Continues.......

I am truly struggling at this moment. I wish that I had the strength to make things magically better, but I don't have the strength nor the will power at this point and it sucks. I'm behind a week in my homework and the professor says that if we miss any assignments then we are going to feel the course automatically. So, I really need to find the courage to these missing assigments in. That is going to take a lot of strength and I don't think I have that. I can't even get myself together to do what I know I must do to tackle this eating disorder. After years of searching and hoping for a proper treatment place. I finally found one. Completed intake and reseve the proper diagnosis and I still can't seem to get it together to get the help that I know that I need. I'm scared that others going to find fault in me and judge me. I know that is highly unlikely, because we are all there to get help with our eating disorders, but form the outside I do not look like I have bulimia and anorexia, I look like I'm a over eater. I'm not. I don't eat. I take laxatives to help me get rid of the food that I eat. I take a water pill twice a day to get ready of water weight in hopes that it will help the numbers on the scale go down. I take a appetite surpresent in hopes that it will limit the amount of food that I eat on a daily bases. No matter what time I go to bed at night, I wake up at 4am every morning to go to the gym. I get to the point that I will eat and if I don't take the anxiety meds during my meals, I will purge, because I hate the feeling of having food just sit in my throat and I can't make it go down.I have a friend who is on administrative leave from her job and she is calling me at least 35x a day, just to talk and complain about how life isn't fair and no one understands her and she feels that the world is out to cause her to fail. I have so many thoughts about that, but I can't tell her because she is in such denial about her depression that it is really disturbing. I am really trying not to take her issues on as my own, but the type of person that I am, is not allowing me to do that.