Change....is it likely possible......

OMG!!! I'm going to have to borrow a quote from President Obama: "A change we can believe in." Really? This is not directed to anyone but myself. Is this a change that I can believe? Right now I'm not sure. I can say honestly that the past 4 days have been heck. I understand these feeling are about the fear of change. I hate change because it doesn't seem safe. I don't like the fear of the unknown. In order to be comfortable, I need to know what to aspect. And no that I'm suppose to trust the healing process, but truthfully I don't. How can I when I've never been allowed to heal from anything. Growing up, things have been always swept under the rug. And that has taught me, that my opinions don't matter, I don't. I know that IOP is suppose to help me to reconnect with my feelings and my body. Which is so something that I want to at least try. But, sometimes I feel that reconnecting with my body and feelings is only going to lead to disappointment, and it sucks.

I feel alone in IOP, because it really doesn't seem that no one talks to me other than the people that are suppose to, the clinicians. I know I'm not in IOP to be best buddies with everyone, but things would feel so much easier if I didn't feel that I didn't belong there. I know that Ido, because I am tired. I want to be better. I need to be better for me. I have too. I'm tired of being stuck going no where. I want to move, I need to progress. So I'm going to do the best that I can to stick to this plan of change no matter how hard it seems, just want to include some many other pieces that aren't available to me yet.