Hopeless.........

I'm slowly losing hope of ever recovering from this damn eating disorder. I am going to be graduating on Feb. 10 from IOP. And I still feel the same, if not worse than when I entered day treatment on Aug. 6. I'm not suppose to be downing diet pills as if it were candy. I'm not suppose to know my weight, let alone weighing myself at least 15 times a day, hoping that every time I step on the scale the numbers will read differently than they did an hour or maybe even every 30 mins. I hate this feeling, I just want to be happy. I still feel that my weight defines me. It is really difficult that I'm already getting excited about discharge, not because I recovered, but because I can return to my eating disorder and weight loss full time. First goal is to lose 30 pounds by my b-day. I can do this.