giving up................

I'm really struggling today. I'm tired of feeling like this. I am not longer happy and I'm sick of putting on this front. Recovery sucks ass and I don't know why I am struggling so much. I have only had 3 pieces of pizza today and it is almost 9pm. I feel like I am back at square one. I can't tell people the truth because they keep telling me that I should know certain things by now and I don't. But I can't tell them anything because I feel that they won't get it. I don't understand what is happening with me. I want to quiet treatment. I need the money that I am using for treatment for for other things. I hate this, I am so lonely.