Hating myself more and more.....

I fuckin can't do this anymore!! I hate my body and there isn't anything that I can do about it. I meet with my nutritionist today and it really sucked. I wasn't expected to get weighed today, but I guess that would make sense I am in a eating disorder clinic, but fuck. I was honest about my symptom usage even to the point were I told her about the diet pill usage. I'm angry because my eating disorder symptoms used to work before Renfrew and now they don't. Why!?!?! Sarah keeps talking about a set point weight. What is that? I feel whatever it is, I have a long way before I am even there. I want all of this weight gone, and I feel that I am not able to stop symptoms until the weight is gone. Very eating disorder, but that is how I feel.