July 14, 2010

I'm dealing with so many mixed feelings right now that I am not really sure to do with them. I'm returning home to the DMV, I'm happy about it, but sad about it because I know that I'm to the things that I left behind that I want to avoid, but I know that I can't anymore. It is ace them now or don't have them at all and stay stuck in this sickness. And that is something that I don't want anymore. I want to be better, but I don't think that I can do this on my own because I keep backing out of going to get my blood work done. It's not the fact that I am scared of needles, it's the fact that there is a part of me that feels that I don't deserve help. I caused this problem, why can't I fix it on my own? All I need to do is regain some sort of normal life, but I am not even sure what that is anymore. I am scared. Will I always feel this way, do I deserve to be better?