Tough thoughts and struggles......

I'm struggling and I am not sure what I'm going to do about. I'm anxious about Wenesday. And I want it gone. I want my life back, but I am not willing to do what I need to do to get there. The very thought of it scares me. I know that this is something that I must do. There is a part of me that feels that I don't deserve treatment. I don't look sick enough, I'm not thin enough. There are so many other people who deserve that place in IOP. Why me. I don't want to do because I know that I am going to have to take time off from work, or just quiet all together. If I so that that means I am at risk for not having health insurance and that would mean no IOP for me anyway. This is really hard.